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Coning-in and Saving the Wild Moab Burro
How Coney & Kokopelli Locate and Disarm the Wild Moab Burro
Moab, UT, May 12, 2015 Author: Jim McGillisFor many years, the Moab
Burro Crane had stood on a railroad siding at
Seven Mile, near
Moab, Utah. Five times each week, the
Train of
Pain brought nuclear waste from the
Moab Pile past that spot,
ultimately contaminating the
Burro
Crane and causing it to lose its mind.
Now, the Moab Burro
was running wild on the railroad tracks of America. Using a huge chainsaw,
he was cutting down every tree that his articulated lattice-boom could reach. Once the
Super Heroes at
Moab Ranch had discovered
the problem, Silver Girl
convinced
Coney the Traffic Cone and
Plush Kokopelli
to go forth and retrieve the errant burro.
Not knowing where to find the Moab Burro, Coney and Kokopelli had hopped on to an old streetcar that was heading
downtown.
While riding slowly along the rails, Coney explained to Kokopelli what might
have happened to the Moab Burro. "Do you remember when I got that bit part in
the TV series, Madmen?" asked Coney. Since Kokopelli has no voice, he only
nodded.
"I think it was in Madmen Season 3", Coney reflected wistfully. "Don Draper and
Lane Price were in the break room, deciding what movie to see. As usual, Lane
Price mistook me for a bottle of liquor, so I had to jump out of his hands and
on to the table. There I was, trying to help them make a choice. Having had a
bit part in the original Japanese movie, Godzilla, I convinced them to go see
it."
Coney remembers his movie role in the original
Godzilla, solving the Moab Burro nuclear
contamination mystery.
Wondering why Coney was rattling on about his movie credits, Kokopelli sighed and then looked out the window. Undeterred, Coney kept talking. "Remember when Godzilla came out of the ocean and wreaked havoc on Tokyo?" To keep Coney on track, Kokopelli nodded affirmatively.
"When nuclear radiation from the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bombs infected Godzilla, he grew to enormous size and came up out of the ocean, itching for a fight. Well, the night he came out stomping and screaming, I was doing traffic cone duty on a Tokyo freeway overpass."
Coney went on, "When I saw how huge he was, I was scared silly and could not move. Before I knew it, Godzilla had his big-clawed foot on me, squeezing the life out of me. By luck alone, I was able to pop out, just as the freeway overpass fell. Then he blew me away with his hot, nuclear breath, which gave me my signature orange glow."
Kokopelli looked at Coney quizzically, as if to ask how all of this related to the Moab Burro. "Well", said Coney, "other than Godzilla being my first movie credit, I learned that nuclear radiation can create monsters and increase their size and power by a quantum leap. When I popped out from under Godzilla's claws, it was the turning point in the movie. Godzilla lost power and soon the army was able to shoot him with carbines and a howitzer. I hope that doesn't happen to the Moab Burro."
Kokopelli knitted his eyebrows and looked at Coney as if he was crazy. Then, out of nowhere, the Moab Burro, sporting his huge chainsaw, appeared outside the streetcar. Not seeing the chainsaw coming toward them at high speed, Coney took umbrage at the face Kokopelli appeared to be making at him. "All of this is true," said Coney petulantly. In a huff, Coney left his seat and exited out the back door of the streetcar.
Just as the Moab Burro slashed its chainsaw into the streetcar, Kokopelli used his magical powers to follow Coney out to the sidewalk. Realizing that Kokopelli had not been making fun of him, Coney turned toward the Moab Burro and coned him in, thus stopping the destruction of the streetcar.
"Wow that was close", said Coney. However, coning-in the wild burro had created another, unexpected effect. The once huge and dangerous, the Burro Crane suddenly shrank down to the size of a toy. Within moments, the Moab Burro had become as docile as he had been prior to his contamination by nuclear radiation.
"See?" said Coney. "It is the reverse of what happened before. When he had his troubles, Godzilla became enormous. By using string theory and an energy bridge to the past, I was able to reverse the plasma flow within the Moab Burro. That is why he shrank down to toy-size."
Kokopelli rolled his eyes, as if to say, "I knew that and helped you do it."
For once, Coney became practical. "Now that the Moab Burro is docile again and about our size, we can hitch a ride on his flatcar. We can take the Potash Branch Line past Arches National Park. That way, we can all get back to Moab Ranch, at Seven Mile, where the Moab Burro belongs".
With a twinkle in his eye, Kokopelli boarded the flatcar, and then helped Coney up on to the top of the burro's cab. "Off we go," yelled Coney, as the Moab Burro sounded its horn and headed down the tracks toward home.
"Only one problem", Coney yelled to Kokopelli over the clinkety-clank, clinkety-clang of the Moab Burro's wheels. "How are we going to get the Moab Burro back to normal size?"
As they traveled past the sign for Arches National Park, Plush Kokopelli smiled his inscrutable smile and played his flute. He knew how to reconstitute the Moab Burro, but he would not say.
To be continued...
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